ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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