Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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