We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
