when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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