her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
