Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you traded sex for a burrito?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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