He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
