Your tits are I can't wait for
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
