just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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