My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
