Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
