wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
