I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
