last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
