I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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