I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
