Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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