Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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