We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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