Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
