Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
