Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
