I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
