you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
