Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
