Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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