well you can't waste a boner
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
