my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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