Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
