we're blogging at a bar
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
