drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
