He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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