when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
