i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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