Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is classic penis vs brain.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
