I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize