ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
