They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
