I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
