I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
