I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
