You can't motorboat a personality
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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