it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
