I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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