you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
