My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
