I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
