He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
