I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
