I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
