she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
