dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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