well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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