Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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