Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
