yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
