My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
