I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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