Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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