don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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