I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm too high and old for this...
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