too bad you live with your parents still
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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