I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
