wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
