So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
