Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize