My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
