I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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