i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
