Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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