If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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