he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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