The best revenge is premature balding
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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