Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's paint friendship bongs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
