I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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