I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my poor anus
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
