I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
