so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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