i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
