I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize