My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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