actually, I'm a sock model
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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