At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
