Will you blow on my dice?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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