i think my mom watched the whole time
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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